Ok, so I am gonna lay it all on the table here, because we all make mistakes, we all have hard times, and we will all do things we regret. And while grace is not an excuse to sin, it does cover my sin on a daily basis. So here goes.

First off, this post could be very offensive to some people, but I am purposefully not censoring my thoughts to give you the fullest picture I can of where my heart has been the past several weeks. Bottom line, I need prayer, and lots of it. The first part to fixing a problem is admitting/realizing that you have one. I have come that far at least. Thank you Lord for your unending forgiveness and grace.

The past several weeks I have been very discontented and frankly unhappy with where the Lord has me right now. I am to a point where I am so ready for another relationship, and God just isn't letting it happen. So I instead turn to anything else that that world has to offer me to bring me temporary satisfaction.

Anything but God.

I have been drinking (not in excess, and not to complete drunkenness, but being underage, any is to much), I have been smoking (a lot), I have been flirting with anything that has two legs and a vagina, and I have been cussing like a sailor (around the groups of people that that is "cool" in). I have been super focused on work and making money, and then spending that money on more things to make me "happy", whether it be new tools, climbing gear, outdoors gear in general, more cigars, alcohol, or stuff for my truck. I have not focused enough on school. The list could go on and on, but you get the idea.

So I say all that to say this. Please pray for me. Thankfully the Lord has never let me wander so far away from him that I get to where I can't see him anymore, but I have been pretty distanced from Him lately. And frankly mad that He won't give me what I want, because we all know that I know what I best for me...or that might be a lie I tell myself to ease my conscience...yeah, it is.