Responsibility

Responsibility. This is something I am majorly learning about right now. This encapsulates many different aspects of my life, very nearly all of them.

Ever since I moved out of the house 2 1/2 years ago I have been virtually completely financially independent. The Lord provided financial blessing on me in the form of my grandfather for a little while freshman year, which I was very thankful for. It was never something I took for granted so I forced myself not to rely on it. So before I go any further, if you read this Poppa, thank you for that. :) Other than that however, I have supported myself 100% since I moved out. That is, until now. In the past 6 months or so, I have relied heavily on my parents, which is not a bad thing or something to be ashamed of, but for me it is not right. One, because I am better than that and two because I shouldn't need to. Here is what I mean by that. I don't mean I am better than that in a prideful way. I mean it in that, I have supported myself in the past, and I have the ability to do so, so I need to continue.  Lately I have been very irresponsible with my money management. And not even in big ways. I don't go out buying myself random crap that I don't need. But it is the little things that hurt the most because you think you can get away with it, and then a month later, you don't know where your money went.

Also with academics. School is kicking my butt this semester. I keep up with my studies but I procrastinate way to much. If I would do school first and then reward myself with doing the things I want to do, my life would be so much easier and less stressful! And wasting time. Goodness I waste so much time. The most valuable asset/currency humans posses, and I spend it doing worthless things. I need to spend more time in the Word, journaling, playing my guitar, spending time investing in my friends or working out instead of watching worthless TV shows or sleeping.

Health. I have got to be more responsible with my health. That means stop eating out so much and cook for myself more. That was one of my biggest reasons for wanting an apartment this year and I have barely utilized it! Tonight was good, I made a delicious salad and cooked some fish and potatoes for myself and Logan.

My salad (on the right) had mixed greens, half a granny smith apple, walnuts, pistachios, feta cheese and a pineapple balsamic vinaigrette. So delicious! I baked some tilapia with a little butter, salt, pepper and lemon pepper and finished it off with some lemon juice after it baked. The potatoes were by far the most unhealthy thing. I pan cooked them in quite a bit of butter, a little seasoning salt, and cayenne pepper. Then ate them with a dollop of sour cream. It all took about 30 minutes or so. Super easy dinner, fairly inexpensive and while it may not be the most healthy think out there, it was much better for me than pizza or some type of fast food. That also means that I need to start working out at least a few times a week again and majorly cut back or stop smoking all together.

Responsibility in my relationships with both my friends and with the Lord is a huge issue right now. I tend to blame it on school and life, which are two valid reasons that I am slack in this area, but there is more I could do to maintain my relationships right now, I just choose not to and that is wrong. I am gonna name drop again...I am so thankful every time I am blessed to talk to Kaitlin Patton. She is constantly an encouragement to me to make time for the Lord and make sure that I at the very least maintain that relationship, it is the most important one after all! I cannot thank you enough Kaitlin for every word you say to me. The thought of you not being a regular part of my life come December makes me very sad.

I don't want to end on a sad note, so here is some positive things in my life right now. This will be a mixture of praise/prayer requests:

1) The Lord is faithful even when we are unfaithful. It looks very strongly like I have a buyer for my motorcycle, which will help me tremendously financially right now! Pray it goes through!

2) I am beginning to find a little clarity in life as I examine who I am right now and what my purpose/goals are while I am in school. That involves a lot of journaling and introspection on my part as well as seeking to reconnect with the Lord.

3) Life is what you make it, and right now I am doing my darnest to be responsible but make it enjoyable. It is starting to work. :)

New Old Job

So I have begun a new job, or rather, returned to an old one. I am working up on Jenkins mountain in Morrilton at Ozark Conference Center again. I am hosting retreats one weekends occasionally, but the bulk of my work involves maintenance. 325 acres takes a lot of work to keep beautiful and everything running smoothly. I do a LOT of mowing on our ZTR mowers and more weed eating than I care to think about. But then there are days when I get to do things like cut trees down, cut them up and split it all, or clear out a 2 year overgrown flowerbed, replant flowers and mulch it. Or sometimes fix little things like a broken faucet or change a deadbolt. I know what you are thinking; that is hard physical labor, why are you talking about it like it is fun? Well, because I love doing it. I don't know why, but I have always loved working with my hands, especially when it is hard stuff that most people don't or can't do themselves. It is the feeling of being self sufficient and knowing that one day when I need to do these types of things on my own property, I will be able to. Plus, that feeling you have at the end of a long day of work where you are completely and utterly exhausted from your labors, I love that feeling.

Aside from all that, it provides me an opportunity to escape. I get up to go to work at 5:30am. I am on the road by 6 and have started whatever project I am working on by 6:30. I get to see the sunrise which is something I haven't seen in a long time up until the past few weeks.

 I often work for 7-8 hours straight without stopping and without seeing another soul. It gives me time to be alone with my thoughts and the Lord and mull things over. And believe me, I have a lot to mull over these days. There are also times that I get to work along side Mike Brown. Now let me tell you a little about Mike. Mike is one of the most amazing men I have ever met. He is a loving husband, and loving father of his three girls. He is generous with both his time and money and loves to love people. The man works harder than anyone I have ever met, but he also knows how to relax and have a good time. He has a wonderful relationship with the Lord and seeing him encourages me to further pursue and deepen my own. And goodness gracious, literally every day I spend working with him I learn something new, whether it be how to read a log to know which way to best split it, or how to keep a chainsaw in proper working order, or how to lay wood flooring so the light doesn't make the grain pop, you name it, he knows it, and he teaches it to me. I have more respect for him than anyone else I know.

I also get to run the Zip Line whenever we have a group there that wants to do it. That is always fun because I get to be on top and that is by far the best position to run. :)