Responsibility

Responsibility. This is something I am majorly learning about right now. This encapsulates many different aspects of my life, very nearly all of them.

Ever since I moved out of the house 2 1/2 years ago I have been virtually completely financially independent. The Lord provided financial blessing on me in the form of my grandfather for a little while freshman year, which I was very thankful for. It was never something I took for granted so I forced myself not to rely on it. So before I go any further, if you read this Poppa, thank you for that. :) Other than that however, I have supported myself 100% since I moved out. That is, until now. In the past 6 months or so, I have relied heavily on my parents, which is not a bad thing or something to be ashamed of, but for me it is not right. One, because I am better than that and two because I shouldn't need to. Here is what I mean by that. I don't mean I am better than that in a prideful way. I mean it in that, I have supported myself in the past, and I have the ability to do so, so I need to continue.  Lately I have been very irresponsible with my money management. And not even in big ways. I don't go out buying myself random crap that I don't need. But it is the little things that hurt the most because you think you can get away with it, and then a month later, you don't know where your money went.

Also with academics. School is kicking my butt this semester. I keep up with my studies but I procrastinate way to much. If I would do school first and then reward myself with doing the things I want to do, my life would be so much easier and less stressful! And wasting time. Goodness I waste so much time. The most valuable asset/currency humans posses, and I spend it doing worthless things. I need to spend more time in the Word, journaling, playing my guitar, spending time investing in my friends or working out instead of watching worthless TV shows or sleeping.

Health. I have got to be more responsible with my health. That means stop eating out so much and cook for myself more. That was one of my biggest reasons for wanting an apartment this year and I have barely utilized it! Tonight was good, I made a delicious salad and cooked some fish and potatoes for myself and Logan.

My salad (on the right) had mixed greens, half a granny smith apple, walnuts, pistachios, feta cheese and a pineapple balsamic vinaigrette. So delicious! I baked some tilapia with a little butter, salt, pepper and lemon pepper and finished it off with some lemon juice after it baked. The potatoes were by far the most unhealthy thing. I pan cooked them in quite a bit of butter, a little seasoning salt, and cayenne pepper. Then ate them with a dollop of sour cream. It all took about 30 minutes or so. Super easy dinner, fairly inexpensive and while it may not be the most healthy think out there, it was much better for me than pizza or some type of fast food. That also means that I need to start working out at least a few times a week again and majorly cut back or stop smoking all together.

Responsibility in my relationships with both my friends and with the Lord is a huge issue right now. I tend to blame it on school and life, which are two valid reasons that I am slack in this area, but there is more I could do to maintain my relationships right now, I just choose not to and that is wrong. I am gonna name drop again...I am so thankful every time I am blessed to talk to Kaitlin Patton. She is constantly an encouragement to me to make time for the Lord and make sure that I at the very least maintain that relationship, it is the most important one after all! I cannot thank you enough Kaitlin for every word you say to me. The thought of you not being a regular part of my life come December makes me very sad.

I don't want to end on a sad note, so here is some positive things in my life right now. This will be a mixture of praise/prayer requests:

1) The Lord is faithful even when we are unfaithful. It looks very strongly like I have a buyer for my motorcycle, which will help me tremendously financially right now! Pray it goes through!

2) I am beginning to find a little clarity in life as I examine who I am right now and what my purpose/goals are while I am in school. That involves a lot of journaling and introspection on my part as well as seeking to reconnect with the Lord.

3) Life is what you make it, and right now I am doing my darnest to be responsible but make it enjoyable. It is starting to work. :)