Ok honestly, it is 2:30 in the morning and yes I am wide awake, but why? I can't sleep but it isn't because my blood is flowing to fast anymore. I am troubled. Why am I troubled? I know why, and it is very simple but at the same time it isn't. I need you more than ever right now but I refuse to do anything about it. Change in a persons life doesn't come without a price. And it certainly isn't something that is easy to acquire. A constantly healthy relationship with you doesn't just happen. I have to want it more than anything else in the world. I have to want it more than I want to keep the earthly relationships that I have surrounded my self with. I have to want it first and more than I want physical food or drink in the morning. I know all the right answers and right things to do. But that is the problem. It is all head knowledge. Only a very little of it is actually in my heart. God. I need you to help me be more disciplined. Help me to make all of this head knowledge, heart knowledge. Until then my life will only continue to go downhill, along with my earthly relationships, physical health, determination, discipline, and drive for anything that actually benefits me. God strip everything thing away until I have nothing to lean on but you and then lift me back up. I know that is SUCH a dangerous prayer. I am putting my friendships, health, relationship with my girlfriend, grades, everything I have on the line in that plea. But, if it draws me closer to the only thing that will ever be worth possessing, You, then it will be worth it. I just pray that you will give me the kind of strength that Job had when you tested him. Amen.